July 2007 - The Daily Nick

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The Daily Nick - July 2007

Joining The Soul-Destroying Facebook

July 30th 2007 08:03

I’ve joined Facebook, and it makes me feel old. Why, I hear you ask? Because Facebook is for university students, and MySpace is for high school students. I’ve previously been on MySpace, even though I haven’t been a high school student since 2004. But I felt that being on MySpace would allow me to retain a sense that I am still a teenager. I’m not anymore. I’m rather an adult, watching life slip through my fingers like melting tiramisu. I might as well go for a prostate exam.

MySpace is all so jovial and image-friendly and allows for numerous occasions for users to post bulletins announcing long lists of their favourite things. Facebook has the sense that it is for grown-ups not wishing to admit they are grown-ups. Much like the Countdown Arena Spectacular. There’s no sexual predators on Facebook. Perhaps it’s a good thing, since I’m now old enough to be one myself

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Undeserved gratitude, and how grateful I am for it

July 27th 2007 12:00

There’s nothing quite like the pure gratitude of people to brighten your day. People saying ‘Thank you’ make the world go round, as much as anything else attributed to that cliché. It gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling like having influenza, only without the negative symptoms like headaches, aches and pains, blocked nasal passages, and in the case of the 1918 epidemic, death.

But there’s nothing better than being thanked for something that didn’t require any effort at all, like pretending to listen to a speech, or volunteering to do something that you have no intention of doing. It’s like finding twenty dollars in the breast pocket of a jacket that hasn’t been worn for twenty years. But that’s another story altogether

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Impractical Post-Teen Crushes

July 26th 2007 12:00

I am going to say that despite evidence to the contrary, I do not have a thing for older women. Sure, maybe a couple of months older is acceptable. Perhaps even a year. But no, I don’t have a thing for women significantly older than myself. This is even though both Ocean Girl and Alex Mack are several years older than me, and the simple fact of the ageing process means I will never catch up.

But if I’m going to implicate myself with liking characters on television shows who were underage at the time, despite the fact I was even younger at the time, I need to counter it with something. And not just anything. Counter it with a crush that is not only impractical, but one with an insurmountable age difference. That crush is Joan Baez

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Justifiable Pre-Teen Crushes

July 25th 2007 12:00

Before you get any ideas in your head, I am not talking about myself, as an adult, having a crush on any underage people. I am instead writing about two crushes I had when I was in primary school that I consider to be perfectly legitimate.

The first crush is Ocean Girl

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The Strange Bedfellows Rip-Off

July 24th 2007 12:00

So there’s this controversy about whether or not the latest Adam Sandler movie, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, is a rip-off of the Australian film Strange Bedfellows, starring Paul Hogan and Michael Caton.

There are stark similarities between the two films, and predicting that the Adam Sandler movie will be a hit, as all his movies inexplicably are, the Australian producers and co. are threatening legal action

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Bring Back Pauly Shore

July 23rd 2007 12:00

I am going to say this now. Bring back Pauly Shore. Sure, his movies may be immature and dated. Sure, he’s won four Razzie awards for Worst Actor, quite an achievement since he’s only starred in six movies. Sure, his baffling skater/stoner comedy style is heavily dated back to the early nineties. But despite this, he was quite funny.

It’s easy to make fun of Pauly Shore, since his career is well and truly at rock bottom. But we should also appreciate his finer qualities, listed below

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The Pagans Vs. The Simpsons

July 20th 2007 02:10

There’s this pagan landmark in England that is several millennia old. It is a chalk outline of a naked man with an erect penis that is considered a symbol of fertility. No apologies to anyone who stumbled upon this blog by typing “erect penis” into Google. Quite frankly I think it serves you right.

Beside this 180 foot carving as of late is a outline of Homer Simpson reaching for a donut. It has been recently painted with biodegradable white paint as a promotion for the upcoming movie, and the pagans aren’t happy

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The Armoured Car Rampage

July 19th 2007 03:48

You’ve probably seen in the news over the weekend the story of the stolen armoured car that ran rampant through Western Sydney knocking over phone towers. If you haven’t, it confirms that you obviously aren’t paying enough attention to the world around you. It isn’t all petrol prices and league players going for more than four months without knowing an opponent’s tooth was stuck in his forehead.

The guy who owned the armoured car was annoyed to the tune of $60,000 that it was stolen, especially because of the lost income he will accumulate. You see, the armoured car had been done up for special events like weddings and school formals. The interior was decked out with leather seats, plasma TVs and a mini-bar

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The Debut Entry

July 19th 2007 03:43

It’s the debut entry all right. The resurrection of my blog in a totally new and awesome way. With a domain name and everything.

I should add that ‘The Daily Nick’ is going to be more often than not a daily blog. Occasionally I’ll skip a day merely to mess around with your routine. A lot like Shane Warne would mess around with your girlfriend

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December 2007

1 Posts

October 2007

1 Posts

September 2007